In our March 2009 Newsletter we stressed the importance of living your values and explained how you could identify your personal values.
In view of the large interest expressed in this topic we have created a permanent section on our site to this topic.
Introduction to Values
A lot of our clients are struggling to achieve happiness and fulfilment in their lives and have also expressed concerns about their ability to make the correct decisions on important matters. They feel this has become worse because of the many changes created as a result of the global downturn.
One of the best guides to achieving fulfilment and to help with life’s crucial decisions is your values system. The problem is that many people don’t understand what their values are and how they can help guide them to a successful life. On thi page we explain
- What are values
- How do we identify our own values and
- How to use our values in future.
I have come across many definitions for values. Put quite simply our values are what we feel are really important to us. It includes things that really motivate us or that we are really passionate about. It’s the things that bring us happiness and fulfilment when they are being honoured but that can leave us very angry, frustrated, depressed (or a range of other negative emotions) when they are being suppressed.
Therefore it is very important to know what our values are so that we can prioritise them which can ultimately lead to happiness and fulfilment in our lives.
How do we identify our values
If it is true that our life feels good when we are living our values and conversely we are very unhappy when are values are being suppressed then it follows that a simple yet effective way to identify our values is to consider the different times in our lives when we have been either very happy or unhappy as they will contain clues as to our core values. When working with clients I ask them to finish the following sentences
I am at my best when …
I am at my worst when …
I am truly happy when …
I want to be a person who …
What I really love is …
What I really hate is …
The answers you give can be words, sentences or even essays so long as they capture your true feelings. Because it is so important I would suggest you complete it in a quiet room with no distractions so that you can really focus on your answers.
The next step is to review your answers to see what recurring themes are coming through. For example if your answers to the statement “What I really love is …” looks like this
playing with my children
telling bedtime stories
Going to the park with my family
then it would not be surprising if “Family” is one of your core values.
On the other hand if one of the things you really hate is “People telling lies” then “Honesty” or “Integrity” may be one of your core values.
To help you in this process I am including a sample list of values which you can review to see if your answers point strongly to one or more of these values. I must emphasise that this is not a definitive list so don’t limit yourself to this list when deciding what your core values are. We would recommend that you try to come up with about 8 values and then decide what the top 3 are for you.
How to use my values
Being clear on your values is extremely important for a number of reasons. In particular it can guide us through difficult decisions and highlight goals we need to set to achieve happiness and fulfilment in our lives.
For example I had a client who took a job in Sales because it was considered to be a good promotion within his company. However career was not part of his core values and honesty was. Very often in sales positions you have to be economical with the truth and this caused him a lot of upset as a result. If he had completed the values exercise in advance the decision would have been a lot easier and almost certainly very different. At the time other people in the sales team encouraged him to take the position. What you must remember is that people who offer advice may be well intentioned, but they are often basing that advice on their values system which can be very different to your own.
When you complete this values exercise it often highlights values that you are not honouring. For example you may rate family as your number 1 value and yet spend very little time wiith them because of very heavy workloads. If this continues over a prolonged period it will lead to a great deal of unhappiness and a lack of personal fulfilment.
Therefore our key message is to identify your values and review how you honour your values every day. Then set goals around your core values to ensure that you start honouring your values more consistently in future. This will, in turn, significantly increase your overall levels of happiness and help you move towards a more fulfilled life.
